ENG Let’s try to find a single conversation. As they circulate though the room full of people, they feel awkward because so many are staring at them. It is a barrier to their meeting. They are not equals, and they feel it strongly. The Twins walk slowly to the other side of the room. Both sample some more food, and Chang has another drink. Finally, they get to the fireplace, where an old blind man sits alone.

ENG Would you like anything, Sir?

BLIND MAN Someone to talk to, perhaps.

CHANG Wonderful.

BLIND MAN There are two of you...and I don’t recognize your accents. Are you the Siamese chaps? ENG Yes, Sir.

BLIND MAN You don’t have to call me “sir.” Aren’t you envoys or something?

CHANG (laughing) No, we’re freaks.

BLIND MAN We’re all freaks, son. ENG We show ourselves in museums because of this. Eng places the man’s hand on the connecting ligature. The man feels it, reacting emotionally. BLIND MAN (mumbling) Oh, dear God.

ENG What is the matter?

BLIND MAN They lied to me again. (looking up at them) How is it being like that?

CHANG We were born like this. We don’t know any other way.

BLIND MAN Do you hate people for looking at you?

ENG Only when they laugh.

CHANG Or call us names.

BLINDMAN Aahhh...they still do that to me too...and it’s been over fifteen years. (touches his eyes) I think they deliberately move furniture around so I will bump into it. My memory isn’t that bad… Not yet!

SOPHIA (walking up to them) Uncle, now don’t bore Chang and Eng with that that fiddle-faddle about your last battle. Let them circulate and meet everyone. The Twins leave the man reluctantly. Sophia walks with them a short distance, kisses them, and leaves them among strangers. Chang takes another drink and asks the waiter something. The waiter nods in the direction of a curved staircase at one side of the large room.

WAITER The water closet is at the top of the stairs. The Twins weave through people to get to the stairs. As they pass certain groups, they overhear the conversations. WOMAN #1 Oh, I know Sophia’s games, but she’s strangely serious about them.

WOMAN #2 (turning her back as the Twins go by) Ughh. They’re so very grotesque. I’d rather see the man who sews buttons on himself. The Twins climb the stairs, and wait outside the water closet until a matronly woman leaves. She sees them and gets embarrassed. In curiosity, she turns and sees that they are about to enter the W.C. together. LADY (huffy) It isn’t proper for more than one gentleman to use the water closet at a time.

CHANG Oh. Then perhaps I’ll wait outside.

ENG (to Chang) If you wait outside, I’ll be facing the wrong way for what I want to do. (to lady) And if he waits outside, I won’t be anywhere near the bowl anyway.

LADY (turning to walk away) Well! The Twins enter the toilet together as servant girls come up the stairs. The lady starts down the stairs.

LADY (continuing, so she is overheard) It’s simply disgusting...two grown people in there together. Have they no shame?

SERVANT GIRL #1 (giggly) She doesn’t know what she’s missing.

AUTHOR: Chet Meyer
GENRE: Screenplay
PUBLISHED: Apr 11, 2009


SCREENPLAY VERSION: Chang and Eng, the original Siamese Twins, led a very adventurous and unusually complicated life from the time they were born joined at the chest by a semi-flexible ligature in 1811 to their deaths in 1874. This dramatized biographical screenplay gives a glimpse of what they were like, how the world reacted to them and what they meant to each other. It is not an academically historical presentation, but a more readable, abridged version for entertainment purposes as well as an introduction to these fascinating and remarkable men, who left Siam to tour the world as human exhibits and later settled down in America to marry sisters and sire 21 children.